Since I felt really good about what I did last time, I’ll just keep it coming. Kind of an underground location, “my glass prison, a place where no one knows” if you will (yes, that was spot on, just look at the title!); I’ll just dump ‘em here and hopefully everything will be fine. Maybe I’ll put this on my official blog. Let’s see how it goes.

So, music… This crazy thing we created from our infinite ability to be creative, which is one of the unique human features. You might say, with a grain of salt, that many other animals can be quite creative aswell and i do agree with that, but let’s be honest: it’s not the same thing, really. Ok, back on topic. Ever since a long time, maybe even before the golden age of ancient egypt, music has been present on human life. As we evolved as creatures, music evolved together. But I’m not going to talk about the technical aspects of music, I want to talk about the meaning music have, the power it has got to make us feel like this of that.

About the one that’s long gone, in OUR golden age, there was a song that was kind of a turning point for me, where I draw the line between “us” and “me and her”, I hope you understand what I mean by that. It’s a theme song from an anime she used to watch (Trinity Blood, I guess; I didn’t watched it) and it’s a nice song, very mellow and moody, great production, great musicianship, as far as I’m concerned, and even better lyrics. Maybe that’s why it didn’t work out, because the song starts off with “I know this will not remain forever; However it’s beautiful”. Yes, I know, kinda lame, actually, but it’s one of those things: I can’t help it if it brings me so many memories, not good ones in particular. The song itself it’s almost a narration about our relationship, with precise accuracy. Amazing, indeed. That’s what bugged me and still bugs: how can someone write some lyrics, compose a song and suddenly it becomes the history of two people? Awesome!

That’s the power of music I’ve been talking about. And I’m sure that there are a huge number of songs that has the same meaning to a huge number of people around the world, in a huge number of languages, regions, and so on. This is why I don’t blame people for listening for this of that music style, because it’s so subjective, each one likes what each one likes, there’s no way to impose your music taste to others, it’s just NOT going to work.

Music it’s about the message for you. Now, if you’re going to get the message, it’s a hole different story. Music has to please you, has to bring pleasure to your ears and heart and soul. That’s why it’s so complicated, although it looks so simple and straightforward.

i guess it’s one of those things, it’s completely out of my hands, out of anyone’s hands, for that matter. and i feel i deserve it, because, well, you know all about that, don’t you? we’ve seen it like a thousand times, and then again another hundred times. and it’s always the same old shit: someone else is going to beat you to it; and then, when all is said and done, we can all look back and proudly say: FUCK!

it’s always about a girl, or in this case, three. yeah, i can see you laughing. no? maybe on the inside? all right, that’s what i’m talking about! so, three girls, one guy: not as sexy as it sounds. i say it’s three, but in the end it’s always about THE one. it’s a puzzler, mindfuck if i may. all those sick, twisted games we play; to give in is to lose ground; and if you lose the edge, well, you’re gonna be in disadvantage (obviously). SO, back to the job at hand, the one is far, far away, literally and metaphorically, the whole shabang. it was good, while it lasted, some may say i overrated it, others may say i underrated it, but in the end, she lays down every night on someone elses arms; and THAT’S what kills every guy from the inside out.

ANYWAY, the number two it’s just a playtoy. i’m not ashamed to say that because i’ve been a playtoy countless times, now it’s time to give it back. yes, i do feel dirty (and not in the good way) about this, but what can i do? i don’t have “special feelings” for her; i’m sure she does NOT have those for me, so who are we kidding? you can call me whatever you want, except hipocrite and liar, coz it’s two things that I AM NOT. i’m sure she might be doing someone else at this very moment and you don’t see me calling her bitch. it’s just the way it is, like i said before.

then there is number three. three time’s a charm? OH YES! i recently received a package from her. it was a book and it came with the nicest letters of all. she wants me to go back to where i lived before, because she can’t stand being away from me. yes, it makes me wonder why, why didn’t she said that BEFORE i moved away? it might not be relevant, because i needed to get away from there anyway, but it would be nice to hear it in person for a change. well, what can i say, it’s like that song Separate Ways: “Though we touched and went our separate ways”. we did touched and then each one took their own path, but i can’t help wonder what could have been, where would i be right now if that worked out. choices, the fucking choices again. there should have a “repeat” or “load last saved” button in life, like checkpoints, so you could go back and make a different choice, maybe for the sake of curiosity, just to see where it leads you. too bad there is no such thing. sex was amazing though; i guess that’s what makes me want to go back. not JUST that, i might add. i do like her, she came into my life in a very, very tough time for me (talk about perfect timing), and she helped me understand how i really am and who really cares for me, and for that i will be grateful forever. but the sex was amazing!

yeah, always about a girl, or some. just to be clear, they were not with me at the same time, there was a space of time between them, just so you know that i’m not that kind of guy, although it sounds like i am. maybe i am, maybe i can’t see it because i’m too close to it to understand. but i think i’m not! i’m always the weak link in the relationship, and i’m not saying that just to make you think “oh no, poor baby”, i hate condescension and i don’t want to be patronized, please. life’s hard, a fucking battle, no one is saint and, most of all, I DON’T WANT TO BE SAINT.

at least i’ve got some time to figure this all out; but time… time is running out! better safe than sorry, that’s the shit, that’s my middle name.

Mary Jane: Has he mentioned me?
Peter Parker: Yeah.
Mary Jane: What’d he say?
Peter Parker: Uh… I said… he asked me what I thought about you.
Mary Jane: And what did you say?
Peter Parker: I said… uh… Spider-Man, I said uh… The great thing about MJ is… when you look in her eyes and she’s looking back in yours… everything… feels… not quite normal. Because you feel stronger and weaker at the same time. You feel excited and at the same time, terrified. The truth is… you don’t know what you feel except you know what kind of man you want to be. It’s as if you’ve reached the unreachable and you weren’t ready for it.”
Mary Jane: You said that?
Peter Parker: Well, something like that.

No longer I stand this sea of light
No longer I stand the gift of god
Screaming, sighing, sighing, screaming, crying loud…

The old boat sailed out of sight
Taking my feelings off, afar
It leaves me, drying, dry;
It leaves me crying now…

No longer I stand these fields of shine
No longer I stand this sea of light
So why not moving to Nostalgiaplatz?
Together, forever, together…